Sadness Undertow

Not a great day but not awful. Had my.kid at the dr,again. Muscle tightness in.legs was bad,bloating was mad. But nothing awful happened. I wasn’t morose or crying. Heightened anxiety and panic but weaning myself off Xanax while I have enough left,I am bound to.lose what little peace I have. Yet again,I curse how ONE biased dr has total control.of my quality.of life.

I have just felt this endless undertow of sadness for months. In my Finch app,I described it as deep grief. What am I grieving? Loss of self? It is not a good place to occupy. Every fiber of my being wants to give up. Yet without any cause or change,I keep fighting. If that isn’t “pulling myself up by the boot straps”,what is?

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