Alternatives

I tried an alternative for treating my depression and anxiety. Just the occasional edible to dull the screaming nerves. Pricey method and not all peachy but wow. The noise in my head was barely a whisper. Hard to argue with positive outcome. Not a default state I would choose yet valid option funds permitting. Viva the new dispensary. Fought all my life against being a burn out. Maybe time to admit my fervor may be denying me relief.

I was a lump for 2 days. Avoiding.phones,mail,etc. Just existing in a calm state,both dreading its end while hurrying it up so I can be lucid 100. I baffle myself.

Today I managed clean clothes,meds,refill ice trays,brew tea,check mail and make 2 calls about our med refills. That is a huge deal for me. Now I wait for dreaded therapy. It is so stressful,trying to keep up a conversation for 50 minutes. Phone calls are grueling for me. Nothing new to discuss anyway,gets old week after week. I wanna blow it off but know the guilt would gnaw at me.

So…deep breaths. Affirmation. Mantras. Survival.

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