Had to take my kid’s friend home after a sleepover. Whole time “out there” I felt like I had a target on me and everyone was armed. Keep in mind it isn’t like a visual hallucination.I know it is an anxiety distortion. BUT it FELT like I was unsafe and targeted. Then my kid had a blow up so that stress. We are supposed to go to a bday party today but I am already tapped out. I hate flaking. I got a gift. But the kid is 2 and doesn’t even know me so only his grandmother would notice our absence.

I hate plans in advance as much as I hate surprises. I cannot predict when my mind is going to go haywire. Today started out iffy. A 40 minute call from my dad decrying the state of the world didn’t help. But it really was ninja panic,I didn’t see it coming. How am I supposed to act rationally when my mind is only sending irrational information?

It’s 9:30 am and I am exhausted.


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