The anxiety ninjas appeared early today. Then got worse after my kid’s psych appt during which he started yelling and cursing me and the np and the center. Then I noticed a tire looks low,again. I am missing a wiper blade. So paranoia that people are fucking with my car kicked in. Coming home didn’t quell any of it. I feel unsafe. Just not sure from what. These distorted thoughts and physical manifestation if anxiety leave me at a loss. I am a strong woman. A badass. Why can I not beat anxiety?

So doors locked,lights out,computer binge playing a show to kill silence and sort of distract my mind. Logically,I KNOW this is part of my thought disordets. I still FEEL unsafe and scared. No one talks about that part. I posted on FB and well meaning people all said breathing exercises. As if I don’t run that into the ground. One suggested smoking pot. And since we just got a dispensary I have toyed with trying edibles. Pot never did much but.lower my iq and makeme sleepy but I am desperate.

For now…ride it out. Survive it. What else can I do?

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