Kill Me,Make Me Stronger,DO SOMETHING!

Still struggling something fierce. How do you reconcile with disappointment being your first emotion upon waking each day? I have many reasons to be optimistic and less anxious. Yet I am a trainwreck. What the hell? Depressed for no reason is a hard pill to swallow. Cold and darkness aren’t exactly legit reasons to want to cease to exist. Yet here I am. Feeling punished by “having” to live. Every time I read about some celebrity passsing, all I can think is,dammit,why couldn’t it be my loser ass,they were actually living. I just exist. So sick of feeling this way.

I am trying tho. Physical issues making it even harder. Trying to power through for my kid’s Christmas. My soul is on life support. I really should be dead,not people who enjoy life. I guess I can whine to my counselor today and let her try to convince me I have value despite it all. Lather,rinse,repeat.

4 Responses to “Kill Me,Make Me Stronger,DO SOMETHING!”

  1. …how did it go with the counsellor?

    • morgueticiaatoms Says:

      She went sunshine spewer on me because despite my misery I was still able to “sound hopeful”. I wanted empathy,not cheerleading. But I get cranky during the black depressions so I don’t hold it against her,she means well.

  2. Just found your blog. This really resonates, especially the feeling of waking up disappointed or exhausted or filled with self-loathing. Being depressed every second of the day fucking sucks, and makes it difficult to function. “Normal” people have no clue.

    • morgueticiaatoms Says:

      I wrote in my journal the other day that I don’t wish mental health issues on my worst enemy. It really does drain your soul. It always helps to know you’re not alone.

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