Kill Me,Make Me Stronger,DO SOMETHING!
Still struggling something fierce. How do you reconcile with disappointment being your first emotion upon waking each day? I have many reasons to be optimistic and less anxious. Yet I am a trainwreck. What the hell? Depressed for no reason is a hard pill to swallow. Cold and darkness aren’t exactly legit reasons to want to cease to exist. Yet here I am. Feeling punished by “having” to live. Every time I read about some celebrity passsing, all I can think is,dammit,why couldn’t it be my loser ass,they were actually living. I just exist. So sick of feeling this way.
I am trying tho. Physical issues making it even harder. Trying to power through for my kid’s Christmas. My soul is on life support. I really should be dead,not people who enjoy life. I guess I can whine to my counselor today and let her try to convince me I have value despite it all. Lather,rinse,repeat.
Take a Ride on My Mood Swing 
December 2, 2022 at 12:41 am
…how did it go with the counsellor?
December 2, 2022 at 7:20 am
She went sunshine spewer on me because despite my misery I was still able to “sound hopeful”. I wanted empathy,not cheerleading. But I get cranky during the black depressions so I don’t hold it against her,she means well.
December 13, 2022 at 5:54 pm
Just found your blog. This really resonates, especially the feeling of waking up disappointed or exhausted or filled with self-loathing. Being depressed every second of the day fucking sucks, and makes it difficult to function. “Normal” people have no clue.
December 19, 2022 at 10:08 am
I wrote in my journal the other day that I don’t wish mental health issues on my worst enemy. It really does drain your soul. It always helps to know you’re not alone.