I am having a BAD mental health day. High rampant anxiety and paranoia have me glued to my safe space,my chair. It has been this way for as long as I can remember,me having a safe space be it living room recliner or sofa or bed. Leaving it worsens the bad juju and Bad Tboughts. Thete was NO trigger. It just appeared. Here I m,now question your sanity and reality. Yes,I am even wavering on what is real. It could all be a vivid dream paralysis. Idk. It is disturbing.

So I am sticking to my safe space as much as I can. The anxiety just keeps worsening. The feelings of doom and despair hammer at my mind. No trigger. You can move. You can improve your situation. But you cannot escape mental illness. Or my mystery physical illness. I feel doomed and every fiber of my being wants to give up. Fighting it has drained me. Pretending to be normal is exhausting. So…chair it is. And hopefully tomorrow the mental lamdscape will improve. Today is a wash. Pure survival mode as mymind starts a list of ways to end it all. Don’t panic,there is no intent to harm myself. The thoughts are there and voicing them sort of helps. Now I have gone on record,sort of,with how bad my mental health currently is. It passes,returns,passes,returns. Lather,rinse,repeat. Lather,rinse,repeat. Great time to be under disability review,my livelihood in the hands of paper pushets who have no idea how bad mental illness is. Is it any wonder I have do much trouble staying ssleep and my stomach hurts? Survival mode indeed.


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