The good…it is crawwwling closer to sleepy time and escaping my own mind. The cool gloomy perpetual rain did nothing to elevate my mood.Then came the untriggered paranoia and anxiety. Now the fugly. Neighbors are hollering again,which is not helping my hopeless stressed state. Tomorrow I have phone therapy,which is GRUELING because I have 50 minutes to fill with conversation when frankly,I am bored and mentally clocked out by 20 mins. Then I need to gp to the Chevy dealership to get door keys for my 2001 and hope the electrical system gives them some code. Ffs,gas gauge doesn’t even work. I need to schedule an oil change 30 miles 1 way) at some point. Friday I have yet another pile on meeting at school about my heathen. And still need to get us both into eye dr and dentist…I can barely breathe.

I haven’t been doing smashingly but this state came from out of nowhere. The only real good is the Bad Thoughts have not returned since Saturday. Just an overall sense of hopeless and self loathing for my mental issues. My kid made it 2 days at school w no calamities. I still have no will to bathe or really do anything. For once,I could afford an outing for Halloween…but I have zero desire. My costume is red devil ears. Maybe goth devil if I have energy for eyeliner. Ben wants me to take him for his final trick or treat so doesn’t really matter if I dress up,just a chauffeur. He had option of going w friends but suddenly mama’s boy. I want to treasure the time but fucking depression fucks it all up.

So yeah,disability review. I am totally cured and in my right mind. I did not even decorate for Halloween,omg,that is like soul death for me. Not to be a whiner. Just needed to vent. And those hellish neighbors are on my last bloody nerve🤬🤬🤬🤬

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