The Only Way Out Is Through

I have spent so much time racking my brain for a way out of deep depressions that I keep forgetting that sometimes…

The only way out is through.

Some people may be able to exercise and diet and positive talk themselves out of minor or situational depression.

For me,the only way out is through. I just keep going. Getting through it. Because every effort I make to get out od a depression is met with failure and that leads to more depression and feelings of self worth. One size simply does not fit all when it comes to depression coping mechanisms.

Another frosty day in the frozen midwest. Gray skies,below freezing temps,a dusting if snow covering layers of ice. Safest place to be is to stay at home. Roads are a hazard.

So that rules out a trip to go shopping or even walk,considering you need ice skates to even get over the grass.

That means more home confinement. Looking at all the housework I need to do yet have zero energy to do. Which feeds the depression.

The anxiety does not seem to need fed. Last night around 7 p.m. my brain became a claptrap of every awful thing that could happen (some planted by my gloom and doom father via 3rd phone call of the day). Panic ensued. Paranoia and fear followed. Much as I try to ration Xanax and white knuckle the anxiety,the mental space I was in last night was dangerous. The mind space that leads to self medication or self harm. I tried breathing,counting,visualization…none of the therapy tricks worked. So I took 2mg xanax and within an hour I was back in my right mind,so to speak.

I am so sick of this existence. Tired of not being one of the lucky people who can just work themselves out of a depression. I lose so much time waiting and just getting through. Winters are the harshest and no amount of light therapy helps at all,psych pros be damned.

I have lost hope in psychiatric treatment. This new behavioral health fad makes me furious. The insistence that psychiatric nurses are somehow the same as an actual doctor is moronic. My beliefs leave me labeled non compliant even when I keep taking my meds and doing the therapy tricks. But I am not on board with behavioral health and psych nurses and I never will be.

Just so frustrated and hopeless. And sick of telling everyone here about it,meanwhile IRL,I cannot dare speak of my mental battle for it will lead to a group belittling by family. I feel like a rat trapped in a maze. There is no way out.

There is only going through.

5 Responses to “The Only Way Out Is Through”

  1. I can relate some though my meds are keeping the ideation at bay… i feel as though they are an itchy bandage where the sore is festering beneath. Hugs to us both

  2. Sometimes yes…the only way is to ride this storm.

  3. suze hartline Says:

    someone needs to show a psych nurse her own diploma. she/he is not now, never shall be equal to a doc unless they attend, pass med school. They are enough to make a sane person nuts, not just make an ill person more ill. Why on Earth do you think, for one second even, that you can fix a brain disorder with behavior anyway? Who’s shoving that crap on top of your illness? Makes me want to come and start slapping those so called family and/or professionals. Depression, Bipolar in all of its forms, are caused by a chemical imbalance. HELLO>>>>>>>>>>>NOT BEHAVIOR. of sorry, was never yelling at YOU, just pissed off because people are so busy making you responsible for something entirely hereditary. They wanna blame someone, they need to blame your parents, not YOU! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

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