The Insomniac Lounge 1:54 a.m.

The Amity Affliction serenades me from my Sirius XM on my tv, wanting to be soaked in bleach. (And fyi, I was given an ear drum shattering soundbar for my birthday, so the TV sounds as good as any stereo.) I woke up from a 2.5 hour exhaustion-drop sleep and have been up for going on 3 hours. I tried some Forensic Files, then did the news show tour, but god, how many different stories about the virus and Trump’s rage Tweets can I endure in one day?

Music it is, even if Motionless in White and Slipknot don’t lend to sleep, they just make me wanna headbang and rock the fuck out. I am trying to be moderate so as not to wake the spawn but…man, Adelitas Way is on, I love cranking this shit. I could use headphones but I am too lazy to install a bluetooth adapter on the TV and cords are one more way for me to accidentally and clumsily do myself in. I’ve actually strangled myself by forgetting I was plugged in by a cord before. Now we have I Prevail “Hurricane”…Octane is rocking it this morning. Now if they’d just play Popular MOnster, my new theme song…

Bloody hell, Godsmack wants to play fetch at 2 a.m. I love that at 3 years old and even with kittens to nurse she wants to be playful but she is the battery bunny, never wants to stop fetching. Ok, she clawed me 4 times, I hid the damn toy from her.

Spoke too soon, Octane failed me with some ass trash song. So hair nation and Lynch Mob it is. I’ve got that wicked sensation myself. It’s called hypomania.

One thing that TV and movies rarely get right about bipolar disorder is that they looooove to portray the axis one version, all happy and crazy and unabandoned shopping and sluttery then a crash landing to depression and tears where inevitably some good friend or awesome man will come along and ‘rescue’ the mentally wonky chick who hasn’t stopped crying for 6 months…

If you’re rapid cycling and axis 2, it’s not like that and you almost never see bipolar 2 portrayed in books or movies or on TV. I suppose the long depressive periods would make it a bummer and all, but making people think that ‘episodes’ have to last some DSM allotted long period of days or weeks is a disservice. Many of us rapid cycle and we can have ten mood swings in a day, including a 12-48 hour hypomanic phase where we are getting shit done and feeling pretty okay. IT’S NOT FUCKING BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER EVERY SINGLE TIME, LAZY FUCKS.

Splat sucks, but the notion that mania is only legit if it lasts for weeks or months at a time is more of that DSM Douchebaggery Simpleton Manual the shrinks and therapists use to slap us with some arbitrary label. Yes,you need a diagnosis for treatment but they over simplify it and it offends me.

Kinda like Shephard Book in Firefly who thinks hell has a special place for child molesters and people who talk at the theater, I think Hell has a corner for lazy ass psych professionals who can’t get their heads out of the DSM and recognize us as individuals.

I am on a fabulous tear here, aren’t I?

Oh, I have DETERMINED 100% that I am gonna get some masking tape and when my dad is not home, I am gonna give his MAGA signs on the shed an upgrade. Make Assholes Go Away. Can imagine him and stepmonster coming home to that, omg, what a riot. Better still is if people started using signs saying that at rallies. ha ha ha ha. Get Mr Tiny Hands into another Twitter snit.

Ok, Octane is back with my program, Avenged Sevenfold’s Nightmare. Old tune but still a good one.

Oh since I am babbling about heavy metal…

BEST HEAVY METAL INSURANCE COMPANY COMMERCIAL EVER!!!!I WANT RATTS IN MY HOUSE!

Spook and I were going through radio stations the other day and she was like, Mom, TWISTED SISTER!

I just couldn’t, not that song, not after they sold out and sold rights to use it to promote something related to Facebook. It’s still way too soon to overcome one of my fave hair metal bands becoming more of a sell out than Bret Michaels.

Ya know, lead singer of Poison, who did trashy lame Rock Of Love tv show. EWWW. I am so sad for Poison fans even to this day. Though knowing society’s love of reality trash tv, they all probably loved it and I am the only one thinking it blasphemy against metal heads. I have principles, people.

Oh, here’s something POP music related. We named one of our kittens Patron. After the tequila. Not because I like that nasty shit, but because I got Taylor Swift’s “You need to calm down” stuck in my head and over and over that one line just went…”You are somebody that I don’t know…but you’re taking shots at me like it’s Patron…” So the kitten is Patron.

Oh, want another pop music shocker from the self proclaimed goddess of heavy metal? I am now listening to Culture Club’s “Miss Me Blind.” Boy George has a beautiful voice, it just is. And man he could rock eyeliner and lipstick back in the day.

Ok, we’re moving onto White Zombie, I feel my heavy metal side getting pop music dents in it.

This commercial cracks me up, whoever Geico hired to come up with these things is almost as brilliant as the insurance company that has Dean Winters as Mayhem in their commercials.

2:24 a.m.

Now what? I don’t wanna do any more work around the house. I slathered paint on my hair and nails so I at least can feign giving a fuck about my appearance. I mean, I want to give a fuck…but…

Oh, Paralyzer, Finger Eleven. This song makes me want to shake my groove thing, I can’t help it.

Confused yet by all the babble, topic changes, and my eclectic tastes in music?

Welcome to my world, bitches, as Freddy Kruger said in one of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies.

Oh, don’t try this at home kids, but because of the lockdown and virus and shit, I haven’t had access to my shrink so after forgetting my unholy combo of like 5 different meds for a week…I decided to self prescribe 200mg Lamictal, 5mg Abilify and of course, my xanax. I am feeling better for now, but the hypomania could just be artifact from coming off two other antidepressants cold turkey and it’s ok with me. I’ve been doing this for so long, suffering through long periods of med hoarding because this ass trash rural area didn’t have any psychiatrists available…You gotta learn to take care of yourself.

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE, KILLING IN THE MAME OF…

I have no idea what they are killing in the name of but this is one of their less putrid songs.

OH, gotta do it, can’t stop myself. FUNKY COLD MEDINA. This song is hilarious. I feed so many stray cats I often sing the line about the poodles running to my house for the funky cold medina.

Can you imagine living with this mind????

My kid, thankfully, just thinks I am hilarious.

Other adults think, wow, this chick needs electroshock or something.

Pass. I’ve been electrocuted accidentally, didn’t care for it, sure as fuck ain’t gonna pay for more brain damage.

Do you ever have really bizarre random thoughts? Like, wtf is a Wang Chung? Why does round pizza come in a square box? Is the covid virus a relative of Miley Cyrus cos they both sicken people?

Just me? Cool, my brain truly is one of a kind.

Hey, I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but eventually I am bound to be someone’s shot of whiskey. or Patron if they can afford it.

“I’m about break down…searching for a way out…” Popular Monster, yessss, finally Octane,fuck you very much.

FUCK, the cat found her toy and just sank a meat hook claw into my finger, fuck that shit, time to hide it again.

I still remember when we lived at the trailer park and she was a kitten and the kids asked, “Why is her name Godsmack, did she smack God?” They were little kids. It was funny. Godsmack is a kickass band and my lil girl nearly died when mama cat abandoned her so she deserved a badass name.

We also had cats named Lemmy, Pantera, Slipknot, and Mudvayne. I’m metal as fuck, dude.

3:31 a.m.

Benadryl/melatonin cocktail is failing me again. I need to sleep so I can get up like a daywalking parent. I need to run errands for food, I need to mow the lawn, got more dishes to do, and ermagod, 100 pounds of laundry to fold and put away. I can’t accomplish shit if I am awake til dawn then my kid is up and I have to be, too.
But I am winding down because I returned to TV even though I enjoyed Sirius for awhile. My anxiety just can’t handle long periods of noise. Living with motormouth, er, Spook really is a testament to my self control and tolerance.

4:17 a.m.

Still waiting, melatonin….geesh, sleep, please.

No rest for the wicked tho I don’t have much fun to be so wicked.

5 Responses to “The Insomniac Lounge 1:54 a.m.”

  1. Hey, you’re back!!! How cool! Thanks so much for rejoining the blogosphere. Saw your award nomination on My Inner MishMash so went over to check out your blog. Will be following you in my feed reader again.

    • morgueticiaatoms Says:

      Where did I go? I know I didn’t post much for a few days but I never went away.

      • I don’t mean like in the last few days. I mean your old blog disappeared a month ago or so. I was never able to trace you then, since you still have your old blog’s URL as your primary blog but that leads to a deleted site. I’m really sorry for not having supported you back then. I want to let you know I value you and your work.

      • morgueticiaatoms Says:

        Ohhhh, I forgot how my quest for a shorter url messed everything up, my bad. I’ll get it fixed someday. I think. I hope. LOL. Thanks for the encouragement and support.

        On Thu, May 7, 2020 at 12:33 PM Take a Ride on My Mood Swing wrote:

        >

      • Oh okay, I had no idea that was the reason you disappeared. I thought you were feeling discouraged. Anyway, please know I’m here now to support you and cheer you on!

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